The Loneliness of Badass Mommas

I toiled with the title of this post. In order to keep it short and sweet, that’s what I settled on, but let me clarify.

1) I hope I don’t come off as arrogant dubbing myself a badass momma. I am not alone in being Wonder Woman at times, and ladies, we need some credit for all that we juggle. Plus, self-fulfilling prophecies… if I believe I’m a badass, then I may actually live up to that.

2) I don’t mean to exclude dads from the Badass Parent category, but I really can’t speak for y’all or your experiences. I can really only speak for mine and assume that other mommas and maybe dads feel me.

A little background. I’ve been a SAHM for a little over a year, when I stepped away from the world of urban ed and early childhood education at 32 weeks pregnant with my twins. I had a small but dependable community of support where we lived at the time, my home for 5 years.

Living and having children so far from our parents meant that the close friends we made were our family. Those relationships will always be dear to us, and I truly thank God for the presence of those lovely souls in our lives.

When our twins were 4 months old, we relocated to a town where I had absolutley ZERO friends. Since I am staying home, I haven’t made any teacher or work friends, which have been some of my best friends over the years.

I thought that getting out with the kiddos regularly, to the library, to the children’s museum, the science museum, the neighborhood playground, etc. would guarantee me some instant mommy friends and a small circle of support here.

Sadly, in 8 months, I’ve made ONE mommy friend. And she also has three kids very close together in age, so as much as we try, we really don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like. We text sometimes to save our sanity from our sometimes lonely lives, and we tell each other about things to do, but sometimes can’t make our children’s schedules work together.

I see lots of moms, many of them from week to week. I am always friendly, but it’s true that my children keep me busy when we are out, as do theirs.

But even though we are all busy and trying our best, I’ve sort of noticed something lately. I see a lot of moms, usually with one child, that have their little mom circle. They chat and enjoy each others’ company while watching their little ones from the corner of their eyes. Sometimes I’m right there because my tot is drawn to the same area as theirs. Sometimes they smile quickly at me then return their attention to the moms in their circle. Sometimes their eyes widen as they see me juggle twins on my hips, nudge a stroller along, and talk to my toddler to make sure he stays close by.

I know they are also juggling a lot. It’s not an intentional snub, but that’s basically what it feels like. And here’s the thing, on an off day, when I’m not super in control, super zen, super put together, whatever you wanna call it, then more moms will engage with me. So, I wonder, does being a badass momma put off other mommas?

Am I more likeable or approachable to other moms, when I’m seemingly stressed rather than Wonder Woman mom?

It sure seems that way. Maybe I could try to be more approachable to other mommas. Or maybe I’ll just wait for the right momma friends to come along, focus on my monitos, and keep trying to be a badass momma, because that’s what my children deserve, even if it is lonesome at times. It’s also the best gig I’ve ever had!

Thanks for the rant, y’all!

Feature Image: Alamy Stock Photo

Leave a Reply